How much time do you put into your relationship every week?  How much would you be willing to dedicate to improving and maintaining the intimacy that is the core bedrock of a successful partnership?  What if I told you that it only took five hours a week?

Drs John and Julie Gottman have discovered that couples who continue to improve their marriage after attending a couple’s workshop, do not have to drastically change their lifestyle.  In fact, the couples that improve the most typically only spend an extra five hours on their relationship per week.

Dr. John Gottman outlines what he terms “The Magic Five Hours” in his book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.  Incorporating these five simple tasks into your daily life will help keep the intimacy of your relationship alive and well for years to come.

Partings:  2 minutes per day, 5 days a week

Before you and your partner say goodbye in the morning, make sure you’ve learned at least one thing about what is happening in their life that day.  It could be something important like a meeting with their boss, or something simple like where they plan on eating lunch.

Reunions:  20 minutes per day, 5 days a week

Engage your partner in a stress-reducing conversation at the end of each workday.  Find out how that meeting went.  Express interest in their experiences and relate your own.

Admiration and appreciation:  5 minutes per day, 7 days a week

Find some way every day to communicate genuine affection and appreciation toward your partner.  Thank them for cooking dinner or for changing the baby.  Tell them how much you admire their skill with a crossword puzzle.  The key is to be genuine.

Affection: 5 minutes per day, 7 days a week

Kiss, hold, grab, and touch each other during the time you are together.  Affectionate touch leads to the release of oxytocin—the hormone most associated with feelings of affection, love and bonding—in the brains of both partners. Make sure to kiss before going to sleep.  Practice feeling compassion and understanding for any difficulties your partner may have experienced over the day and letting go of any irritations you may be feeling toward them.

Weekly date:  2 hours, once a week

This can be a relaxing, low-pressure way to stay connected. Ask each other questions that let you update your love maps and turn toward each other. Think of questions to ask your partner like “Are you still thinking about painting the bathroom?” or “Where should we take our next vacation?”

Five short hours, five simple tasks.  Incorporating this practice into your daily life will make a tremendous difference in the strength and vitality of your romance.